Alright, listen the fuck up. Brexit has become the dominant political issue of the past three years. If you were a guinea pig, you would be able to remember things from before then, but apparently the average single-issue Remainer has an intellect somewhere below that of a small rodent, so half my Facebook feed is people talking about the upcoming European election as though the only issue of any relevance is Brexit. This is very useful to two types of people: the very stupid, and the very wealthy. It's useful for very stupid people, because the crayon-eaters among us find it difficult to think of two or more things at a time, and it helps them to have one easy idea (expressible in a single word, no less!) around which to base their entire worldview. For the very powerful, of course, it's useful as it gives them another cudgel to beat Corbyn with. They've tried "Corbyn hates women," then it was "Corbyn hates Jews," and now they've moved on to "Corbyn hates the EU." The Tories have been hit far harder by the Brexit debacle, if the local elections were anything to go by, but of course the ruling class and their lapdogs in the press are pretending that it's exclusively a Labour issue. So, in case any of you reading this were unsure of how to vote on Thursday, here's my last-minute guide to your options.
The Conservative Party
This is probably the only one where me and the hardcore Remain camp agree. If you're seriously thinking of voting for these scum, get in the fucking gulag.
The Liberal Democrats
For Christ's sake, just grow some balls and admit you're a Tory. What's your excuse for voting for these fucking Quislings? They're Remain? Well, what part of Brexit do you object to? If it's the mistreatment of migrants, the unemployment, the economy going to shit or the persecution of the vulnerable, then let me remind you that all that shit was already happening under the Tory government that this golden shower helped put in Downing Street.
The Scottish National Party
You'll notice I didn't use the phrase "Yellow Tories" when talking about the Lib Dems - that's because I needed something to say about Sturgeon's mob. Read the growth commission report, and then tell me you trust them.
Plaid Cymru
Plaid are actually a pretty good party, judging by their policies, but ask yourself - what will they do that Labour won't? And do you really trust a party that talks so much about "businesses" (and the liberal's favourite, "small local businesses") and so little about workers? Compare their policies to Labour and you'll see solid, achievable goals on one side and a lot of waffle on the other.
The Green Party
Who?
The Labour Party
See the title of this post. I've been critical of Corbyn since day one, but the fact is that he gives us our only shot at something we haven't seen in my lifetime - a genuinely progressive British government.
Look, we all know who the progressive choice is here. If you can manage to remember a time slightly outside the lifespan of a badly cared-for houseplant, when people gave a fuck about the suicides of benefit sanction victims, the million people relying on food banks, and the suffering of those living in poverty, then don't treat this election - or any other - like an opinion poll on our relationship to a trading bloc. And if you're still a single-issue Remainer, then at least have the self-awareness to admit that you're just a Tory with a hard-on for pan-European nationalism.
