Lou Reed

Lou Reed is dead.

Lou Reed died yesterday morning in New York. He was 71 years old, and one of the all-time greats of music. He didn't just play rock 'n' roll, he was rock 'n' roll. Sexy, threatening, pathologically cool, always experimenting, never content to repeat himself or settle for less than the absolute best he could do. He was a key member of one of the greatest and most influential rock 'n' roll bands of all time; he made the best noise album of all time at a time when noise music barely existed; he was a punk before anyone knew what punk was; he managed to make Metallica sound half decent; and he was possibly the coolest motherfucker on the planet. His family and freinds have lost someone they loved; the world has lost a legend. So to remember him, I've picked out five quintessential Reed tracks:

It's hard to choose one Velvet Underground song, but this has always been my favourite.  There are a lot of things that add up to make this track great - Mo Tucker's drumming, John Cale's droning viola - but the key ingredients are all Reed. His lyrics, his voice and his guitar - those are the core of this song.

Of all of Lou Reed's solo albums, New York is the one that most perfectly captures his cool, his wry wit and that indefinable quality that links him inextricably with the eponymous city. And of all the tracks on that album, "Beginning of a Great Adventure" has always been my favourite. Apart from anything else, the lyrics just sound perfect paired with Reeds dry, acerbic voice and his deadpan delivery. You could read this out as a poem and it would still be brilliant, and there are few songs where that's the case.

If Hubert Selby Jr had been a songwriter, he would have written this. It's utterly heartbreaking - there's nothing much else I can say, really. If you only listen to one song today, make it this one.

This album came out in 1975. Bear in mind, in 1975 Throbbing Gristle had only just formed, punk was still an obscure New York phenomenon and people's attitude to Noise music was...well, basically what it is today. This album nearly destroyed Reed's career - even today, it's almost universally reviled, or at best regarded as a joke. But, contrary to popular belief, this album does not sound "bad" on purpose - it sounds great on purpose. Reed spent a lot of time and effort making sure that Metal Machine Music sounded exactly how he wanted, and the result is a stunning, hour-long composition that is among the most beautiful, ugliest, most brutal, most lyrical, most un-musical music ever made.

It's kind of fitting that Lulu, the album that this track comes from, was Lou Reed's last record. At a time when most '60s legends were content to plow the same old furrow, making music that - regardless of quality - was basically the same as what they'd done in their youth, Reed made an album with fucking Metallica. This is not a man who was in the business of fuck-giving.

Lou Reed is dead. And the world is a sadder, quieter place.

Review - Sons of Rogues Gallery Pt. 2

Various Artists
Sons of Rogues Gallery

Ok, second part of the review. Here goes.

After Iggy Pop's hilarious "Asshole Rules the Navy" comes "Off to Sea Once More" by Macy Grey. Yep - Macy Grey still exists. News to me. Anyway, the song is a well-put together reggae take on a traditional sailor's song, and Grey's raspy, whispery voice is right at home. It's not fantastic, but it's pretty good. After that was over, it took me about half of Ed Harcourt's song to realise that his style-over-substance contribution to this album was supposed to be bluesy. Seriously, today's musicians are in desperate need of some testosterone.

Next up, it's Shilpa Ray, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis, delivering "Pirate Jenny" like something out of a particularly gruesome musical. It reminds me of Tom Waits' collaborations with Robert Wilson in its creaky bloodthirst. Patti Smith and Johnny Depp follow, with "The Mermaid," a song that would probably be interesting under the right circumstances. These are not those. Chuck E Weiss, an old freind of Tom Waits, follows. His voice has the same drunken soul as Waits, but it's higher and altogether more country. The Waits comparisons continue - "Anthem for Old Souls" could easily be a Waits composition from more or less any part of his career, and the production/arrangement is very reminiscent of Swordfishtrombones. It's a decent song, and Weiss sings it pretty well.

A Beefheart song up next, performed a cappella by Ed Pastorini. Not quite sure what I think of that one. Check it out. There follows an unremarkable "alt-country" song, and then a wonderfully seasick version of "Ye Mariners All," performed by Robin Holcomb and Jessica Kenny.

I think the main problem with this album is that - with a few exceptions - every musician on it has gone at their song from the same angle. It's not real folk - it doesn't have the rawness or the simplicity to be that - but a sort of Radio 2-freindly, "accessible" version of it. Fake folk for Mumford & Sons fans.

There are exceptions, of course, as I said. Case in point - Disc 2 kicks off with a Mothers of Invention track. Unfortunately, it's a pretty dull instrumental with none of Zappa's usual flair. Fortunately, Michael Stipe follows with a fantastic version of "Rio Grande," proving that not even Courtney Love's lacklustre vocal performance can stop Stipe from being epic. Marc Almond warbles his way through "Ship In Distress" like he's, well, Marc Almond. Good thing Dr. John comes along afterwards to wash the bad taste out of your ears with an eerie spoken track, and just to put the icing on the cake, Todd Rundgren busts out a version of "Rolling Down to Old Maui" that I can only describe as inexplicably awesome. By the time Dan Zanes comes along, it's clear that this disc is where the real gold is. There are too many fine tracks to go into detail, but the quality stays very high until Michael Gira delivers a thoroughly dull version of "Whisky Johnny" that manages the rather impressive feat of making Bellowhead look interesting.

Well, that's enough for one post - the third and final part of this review will be coming up soon. Now, I'm off to listen to that Todd Rundgren track again...

Male Cirumcision: Why Tanya Gold Is An Idiot

This is a response to a recent article in the Guardian, in which journalist Tanya Gold argues that a ban on male circumcision would be anti-Semitic. You can see the original article here:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/oct/11/ban-male-circumcision-antisemitic

Firstly, circumcision is not specific to Judaism. It is also an important part of Islam, and many people do it for non-religious reasons.

Secondly, noone is talking about banning Jews from getting circumcised. There are many people, however, (myself included) who think that circumcising babies should be illegal. A baby may be ethnically Jewish, but in religious terms, a baby is not a Jew for the same reason that he is not a Catholic, a Hindu, or a communist. Judaism is a religion – that is, it is a philosophy, a set of beliefs and a guide to living one’s life. A baby cannot be religious because he does not have the intellect to understand ideas about morality, the meaning of life and magic men in the sky. A baby wouldn’t know what Judaism was if you hit it on the head with a Menorah.

            When said baby grows older and begins to learn about Judaism and other religions, he may decide to follow the religion of Judaism. At that point, if he wants to get circumcised, of course he should be allowed to. If I were to wake up one morning with a sudden urge to have my foreskin removed, I would consider it a bit of a dick move for the law to stop me doing that. I am, after all, an adult, and can make my own decisions about what to do with my body.

But a baby is not an adult, and it cannot consent to having a part of it cut off. Performing unnecessary surgery on anyone without their consent is assault, and to do it to a child is child abuse, regardless of which book told you to do it.

The main argument that Tanya Gold makes in her article is that circumcision is a central part of Judaism. (Well, actually, her central argument is “I’m Jewish, so you can’t criticise me or you’re a Nazi,” but that really doesn’t need a counterargument). My counterargument to this is twofold.

1. Fuck your religion. Wrong is wrong, and a bad thing is still bad even if a book of fairytales tells you it’s ok.
2. Religions evolve. You don’t see Christians burning witches – they realised that that was not a thing that civilised people do, so they stopped doing it. Judaism has produced some of the greatest artists, scientists and thinkers in human history. To reduce all that culture, philosophy, art and profound spirituality to a bit of skin on the end of your cock is to sell your religion, and its long and proud history, short.

So, to sum up, banning circumcision would not be anti-Semitic. It would be anti-cutting bits off babies.

Review - Tom Waits, Beth Orton, Todd Rundgren and more Pt. 1

Various Artists
Sons of Rogues Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanteys

Well, this is a find. Shane MacGowan, Keith Richards and Iggy Pop on the same album, all singing folk songs! The results are - let's say mixed. There's a lot of music to review here, so I'll do this post in multiple parts. Shane MacGowan kicks things off, sounding (if possible) more fucked-up than ever before on a version of "The Leaving of Liverpool" that is either awesome or terrible - I'm not sure which. Then it's over to Robyn Hitchcock for a bloodless and supremely irritating version of "Sam's Gone Away." Beth Orton is apparently well-known, and her style is described by the good people on the interwebs as "folktronica." Read that word again. Do you want to cut off your own ears to spare them the horror of what's to come? Don't do that, or you'll miss an exquisite version of a hauntingly beautiful song. Sean Lennon continues the famous-name theme, although in his case only half his name is actually famous. Still, he manages to give a version of "Row Bullies Row" that isn't at all limp-wristed, lazy, or boring. Wait, no - it's all of those things. And shit. Did I mention shit? It's really, really shit.

Tom Waits takes his typical stylised, experessionistic approach to "Shenandoah," giving it the atmosphere of a ship sailing out to sea as the sailors sing of the land they're leaving. I still prefer Springsteen's version, though. Ivan Neville sounds like a cross between Randy Newman and someone much less talented than Randy Newman, and his plinky-plonky music-hall take on "Mr Stormalong" is perfect if you're looking for a guide on how to rob a song of any emotional resonance that it might have. 

Iggy Pop, of course, needs no introduction, but just in case you're one of those poor deprived human beings who aren't familiar with his work, he was the singer in one of the greatest punk bands of all time, did a very interesting solo album with David Bowie, and the most interesting thing he's done since then is an interview on the Henry Rollins Show. Still, "Asshole Rules the Navy" is a pretty funny song.

End of Part One.