What's your sexuality? Gay, straight, bi, ace?
That's a question that most people would have little difficulty in answering - most people can comfortably put themselves in one category or another. But what I've been wondering is, what do those labels actually mean?
On the face of it, it's pretty simple. A straight man is attracted to women, a straight woman is atracted to men, and so on. But what do we mean when we say "I am atracted to men" or "I am attracted to women"? Gender, after all, is neither a personality trait nor a physical characteristic; seeing as attraction is based on physical appearance and personality, gender should logically be irrelevant. Certainly genitals can be a factor - there are many men, women and non-binary people who would not want to have sex with someone who had a penis, just as there are many who would only want to have sex with someone if they had a penis. But that doesn't say anything about whether they're gay or straight - plenty of women and nonbinary people have dicks, and plenty of men don;t.
Let me give you an example. Let's say you're on a date with Scarlett Johansson (for simplicity's sake, I'm assuming you're atracted to women - feel free to substitute Denzel Washington or whoever). Things are going well - you think there's a pretty good chance you'll end up in bed. Then, near the end of the evening, she makes a confession - she's a man. Her physical apearance is exactly the same as it is now; nothing is different whatsoever from how you've imagined her. All that's changed are her pronouns. Do you still find him atractive? My guess is you would.
So, to return to my earlier point - what does that mean for your sexuality? Maybe this is just because I'm bi and I don't get how monosexuals work, but does gender really have any impact on sexuality at all? And if not, isn't the language we use to talk about sexuality hopelessly inadequate?
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